Welcome to Chipur! If you’re struggling with a mood or anxiety disorder, you’ve come to a good place. Dig-in, okay? Thank you for stopping-by. Bill

“Dammit, I’m So Frustrated!” (Ah, but open your eyes…)

“Dammit, I’m So Frustrated!” (Ah, but open your eyes…) post image

“Dammit! Things just aren’t happening fast enough! Why aren’t I where I want to be – where I know I should be? Now! Been there a few times? Are you now?

I’m sitting here writing this post on an absolutely beautiful early spring evening. The deck door is open, a nice breeze is blowing in, and the crickets are playing a tune. I’ve been working my tushie off lately, managing some very long and bizarre hours. Frankly, I’m tired; and I want to hit the sack; nodding off to sleep in the midst of such an evening.

But I can’t! I’m committed to work an overnight shift on a psychiatric unit. Oh, and I’ll get maybe four hours of sleep after getting home in the morning, before cranking it up again for a twelve-hour E.R. shift. Damn!

Okay, got that off my chest.

About an hour ago I was walking into the kitchen ruminating over my “horrible circumstances;” and how terribly frustrated I am. I love chipur. As a new friend said about her work, “It’s my baby.” Of course, chipur is a relatively new venture and it’s going to take some time to get it where it needs to be; and while the nourishment and growth are taking place, I have to take some work assignments I’d rather not. But they’re a perfect fit in terms of the schedule I need to maintain to make chipur happen as it should.

But here’s something that occurred to me as I was basking in my self-pity. And I believe it’s worth sharing.

I am so very fortunate to be working in the field of my passion – even if it’s not exactly the kind of work I ultimately want to be doing.

But there’s more…

In spite of myself, I’m being exposed to, and learning, great quantities of very valuable information that can’t be learned in any other environment. I guess what I’m saying is, though I’ve been tired and frustrated; all sorts of excellent things have been happening in my mind and in my heart at the same time. It’s a huge bonus I all too often don’t think about – but it’s real. I mean, it’s kind of like hating to go to the gym, hating the workout even more; yet all the time becoming so much more physically strong. See, that part of the equation is so often forgotten, isn’t it?

Okay, so now I’m really going to go out on a limb. Now, I know what I’ve just shared has gone on in your life, if not right now. That said, think about this…

What if all of what’s going on – the timing and everything – was really meant to be? That’s right, what if we’re enduring all of the sacrifice, aggravation, and frustration – with such great angst – all the while being so terribly short-sighted. Yes, we’ve lost track of the fact that not only is it all necessary, it’s intended. Of course, that opens the “Who intended it?” can of worms. But that’s a topic for another discussion.

Nonetheless, given that last paragraph; our angst – in the grand scheme of things – is absolutely unnecessary.

So what do you think? Just some notes I wanted to share. Won’t you comment?

  • karen

    as usual, right on target and fabulous. and the newsletter yesterday was thought provoking and hopefully will help open up some communication. thanks, karen

    • Thanks, Karen. No, YOU are fabulous. And thank you for being such a loyal reader and commenter.

  • Diana

    Bill,

    This is a timely post, I was out riding my bike today….telling myself I am grateful that I am able to do this and thinking about my life and why it seems to be so stuck right now….and I realized it was because I am focusing on all the negatives..of which there are many…but I am feeling for the first time in a long time….really deep down feeling…gut wrenching at times but am actually feeling human emotions…..and what I want is to feel Joy…but that doesn’t come as a result of wanting but as a result of doing, and accepting that where I am right now is exactly where I need to be. Why do we all want to be in a happy, joyful state all of the time…and if that is what we expect then we are going to be sorely disappointed…..I want to be perfect, I want to be loved, I want to have “things”…..but even if I had all of this would I be joyful all of the time….I think not! I am thinking back to alot of conversations we had…..and actually though I was listening I don’t think I was hearing!!! Thanks for a great post!!

    Diana

    • Thank you, Diana! Really good hearing from you again. Great thoughts and feelings you’ve shared. Tons of wisdom. You’ve earned your stripes over the years, and now it’s time to be the recipient of some dividends. Dang, you’ve worked so hard; and I’m convinced that so much wisdom and strength have been built – well beyond your past knowledge. But now you’re coming to understand yourself and there’s just no reason why you can’t become all you were intended to become – helping so many along the way. Again, thanks for sharing with all of us.

  • Amarie38104

    When the strife is happening in the course of betterment it is absolutely easier to step back and look upon it as “absolutely necessary”.

    With all due respect, when during the course of one year, a newborn is almost lost at four days old, the company one has invested their life savings is comes to a grinding halt and is obviously going to land one in bankruptcy, a parent unexpectedly passes away, and then, lo and behold – a brown recluse comes along and takes a chunk out of their arm, my first response is, “Really? You’re kidding me, right?”

    I am not exaggerating.  I could not have made the instances of 2010 up if I had tried. 

    What I have tried is spending the 2011 remedying the misfortunes of the previous year for the sakes of not only myself, but that of my family as well.  I am exhausted… and still battling. 

    I have hope.  I have hope as tears are running down my face that the economy will get better, that my bankruptcy will ease my financial burden (as soon as I can afford to file it), and that I will be able to better deal with the residual issues of the father I have lost.

    Mostly, I have hope that I will become the parent that my children deserve before they are old enough to realize the person I am now…