Yesterday I received a private message from someone from PsychCentral. She’d been experiencing a good helping of depersonalization over the past few weeks and was looking for all the help she could find. And who wouldn’t?!?!
I wrote a piece on derealization and depersonalization (DD) many moons ago. And it’s been such a “popular” topic over the many months that I decided to do a rewrite and present it once more. However, it’s going to be even better this time around because I’m going to bring the goods to you in two parts.
Now, just two warnings going into the series. If you haven’t had the pleasure of DDs company, do not believe it’s only a matter of time. Not true! And if you’re experiencing DD, do not make anymore out of it than what it really is – and you’re about to learn.
Let there be no doubt about it – DD are two of the most horrifying phenomena within the realm of the emotional and mental disorders. I’ve experienced both and I can tell you they can be absolutely crippling, and take you to the very boundaries of what you believe is the playground of insanity.
Well, let’s talk about what they are…
Derealization is a disturbing sensation of unreality and detachment from one’s immediate world. During an episode, you can see clearly and have no problems with orientation; but it’s as though you’re operating in a very exclusive dimension. As derealization presents, one becomes extremely concerned about what to do and how to find help. See, it’s all about the fear of being and appearing – well – out of your mind.
I remember my first dance with derealization as if it were yesterday. I was nine-years-old and our family was visiting friends. We were all sitting at the kitchen table, and I happened to look at the hand of one of our hosts – there was a finger missing. And it was like, BAM! – derealization hit and I had absolutely no idea what was going down.
All I knew to do was get up from the table, coming up with the excuse that I had to use the bathroom. Fact of the matter was, I wanted to bolt out the back door and run, and run, and run – for years.
I had several more episodes of derealization as a kid, and it paid a return visit my junior year in college – and it was an on again/off again issue into my early-30s. Cool thing is, I’ve not dealt with it for many years now.
Now, just as derealization is an external perceptual issue, depersonalization is an equally disturbing self-perception phenomenon.
My first taste of it was during my junior year in college. I guess the derealization needed some company. I’ll never forget walking into the house a bunch of us guys rented, and looking at a photo of us taken at a party. There was this guy in the back row, center, who looked really familiar. Hmmm, I knew who he was, but didn’t. Well, you guessed it – he was me!
Just like derealization, I dealt with depersonalization into my early 30s, and it hasn’t been a factor since.
So, what actually causes these sensations?
Recent research has suggested that extraordinary and frightening sensations, such as near-death and out-of-body experiences – which I believe are in the same ballpark as derealization and depersonalization – may occur because of stress-induced malfunctioning brain chemistry.
For example, a structure in the temporal lobe (lower side) of the brain known as the angular gyrus, specifically the right angular gyrus, is believed to process sensory input in an effort to aid in the perception of our physical selves.
Featured in one particular study was a seizure disorder patient participating in a course of electrical stimulation treatment. During a procedure the electrodes were applied to the right side of the patient’s head (right angular gyrus?), and guess what? When the juice was turned on the patient reported an out-of-body experience.
Now, this research doesn’t specifically address the cause of derealization and depersonalization; however, it begins to point some fingers. At least I think so.
Okay, okay – I need to pull the reins in on part 1. This is extremely important and complex material. And if we get to moving too fast, lots will be lost.
Please come on back tomorrow as we boldly continue our playground adventure. Buckets of fascinating and relief-generating material, to be sure.
(Oh, can anyway guess who’s in the image? Hmmm – self-sketch by Vincent VanGogh.)
Thoughts, feelings, or experiences re DD thus far, chipur readers? We’d love to read your comments.
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