Welcome to Chipur! If you’re struggling with a mood or anxiety disorder, you’ve come to a good place. Dig-in, okay? Thank you for stopping-by. Bill

Opening-Up & Trust: It’s Time!

Opening Up

Don’t know about you, but opening-up has always been a toughie for me. Wonder why that is? Is it the same for you? Let’s talk about it a bit, ’cause it’s long overdue.

Without a doubt, my issue has always been trust – trying my best to believe that those in whom I might confide would truly listen to all I have to say. And accept it!

Agreeing with me was never a requirement. All I ever cared about was having judgment checked at the door. God only knows I’ve always been willing to do the same.

Sadly, looking back over the years I can only imagine the price I’ve paid in relationships and personal frustration because of this opening-up dilemma.

But when you really think about it, I suppose it’s not too hard to figure out why a mood or anxiety disorder sufferer would turn out to be somewhat of a recluse. I mean, we all too often don’t go anywhere because of our symptoms and mindset. Hence, we kind of get in the habit of avoiding people, relationships, places – you name it.

And if you’re like I was, that probably suits you just fine. Right?

I mean, why would we want to associate with anyone? What could we possibly have to offer? Shoot, the very last thing we’d want to do is expose anyone to all the misery in our lives, and the misery of us. It’s not like they’d want to hear our long litany of pain, much less be able to understand or do anything about it. We’d just feel like a whiner.

And we sure as heck don’t want to have to be confronted with the successes of others. Why would we want to subject ourselves to any form of self-comparison to someone, who in our minds, we could never match? What’s the point?

Hmmm.

Well, I can tell you from experience that opening myself to others wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, and still isn’t. No doubt, there are just so many hidden agendas held deep within that keep us from really reaching out – and assuming the risk of being exposed.

But I can also tell you that we must try as hard as we can to pull it off. There’s just too much to be missed. Now, I’m not saying we have to pour our heart and soul out to each and every person we come across. No, we just need to release ourselves from the chains of any mode of thinking that entirely excludes expressing ourselves at some decent level of depth.

I mean, it’s so easy for us to be quite comfortable living the life of a recluse, but I promise it won’t be long before that lifestyle choice will turn into a highly littered dead-end street. Maybe it already has.

Trust me (easy for me to say), there are people out there who either do, or would, really care about us and would be more than willing to accept us just the way we are – and help us leap to the next level. And the cool thing is, we haven’t even met some of these people yet.

We’ll miss out on so much valuable release, input, feedback, and companionship if we elect to live our lives alone, keeping all of our thoughts and feelings inside.

I know it’s never been easy to trust anyone in the screwed-up and crazy world in which we’ve lived. But, that can all be a bad memory now. We really need to take a shot at being known, and knowing someone else.

Yes, it’s a risk; but we’re more than strong enough to handle it. And the potential rewards are more than fabulous.

How does this sit with you, chipur readers? How ’bout sharing with us in a comment (or three or four)?

  • Trust, blech! :-) In my mind, I know not every person is scandalous and vindictive. It’s harder for my heart to believe that. I really struggle with developing relationships. One of my roadblocks to sharing is, “Who cares?” I could share something, but really, who cares what I have to say? That’s why I pay someone to listen to me (my therapist.)

    • Nice alternative perspective. It isn’t always trust, I suppose. What a hoot – “That’s why I pay someone to listen to me (my therapist.).” Well, we gotta’ do what we gotta’ do! Thanks for visiting and your participation. I always enjoy reading your comments.

  • karen

    Just how do you propose we find someone to trust? It’s really, really hard not to find someone who appears to be listening, caring, and non-judgmental, who doesn’t then prove to be untrustworthy- by demonstrating that they really weren’t listening, or using your openness against you. Suggestions? (besides questionnaires)

    • Hi Karen! Boy, you expressed that with great emotion – came straight from the gut. I don’t know that I have a formula, per se. I suppose it’s just a sense. And I believe it’s also a matter of floating in the right circles. It’s certainly not going to happen if we stay within our current social environment – and patterns. Perhaps it’s time to really evaluate what we’re looking for and going places where we know we’ll find it. Or at least have a better shot than our current and traditional personal universe. Thanks for chiming-in (as always).

  • Patricia Miller

    I guess the bottom line is to decide whether you want to live in the world of isolation, where you already know it is lonely, sad and bleak OR whether you want to take a chance that you might get lucky and find someone worthy of the trust. Life is full of choices and risks each day. My thought is that a safety that only buys you darkness and no friendship would not be worth preserving. Better to take the potential pain of betrayal with the potential reward of trusted support and the joy that would bring.

    • All makes perfect sense to me, Patricia. ‘Course, as we know, logic and reason are at times tough to come by when one is making decisions – existing – based upon cognitive distortions. Still, with work, one has to dip their feet into the water (“choices and risks”) – and come to experience a measure of safety and gratification. And then it’s time to dive on in. Thanks, as always, for your participation and contribution…
      Bill