STRUGGLING with DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, or BIPOLARITY? LEARNING can really HELP. Start with ARTICLES above or Topics below. Ty! Bill

The Anger Opportunity | 12 Points of Perspective and Growth

Anger Management

“Okay, Mr. Bill. So now you have me believing anger may be contributing to my panic attack symptoms, depression, and hair-on-fire stress. Shoot, they’re probably generating anger, too. Back to you, smart-guy. What are we gonna’ do about this supposed ‘anger management’ problem of mine?”

Have a chat with yourself, confirming that anger is an acceptable – necessary – phenomenon. And come to understand that anger isn’t inherently bad; however, it sure as heck merits intervention when it causes harm to self or others.

Well, then – seems the gauntlet has been thrown down. Our friend read last week’s piece, Lost and Clueless? 22 Signs That Hidden Anger May Be a Problem, and has challenged me (“smart-guy?”) to come up with remedies.

Hey, maybe I can help our friend, as well as you. Have you ever considered that a significant portion of your emotional/mental misery may be caused by (hidden) anger, and vice versa?

If you’d like to find-out, the first order of biz is reading last week’s article, if you haven’t already. Come on, tap that link above and see where you stand.

So how’d you do? Did any of the 22 signs nail you between the eyes? Did you score your results? What’s your conclusion?

The “Anger Management” Opportunity | 12 Points of Perspective and Growth

Tell ya’ what – whether or not you put last week’s article into motion, if you’ve ever suspected that anger is a problem, I have something to share that’ll really help. Will you consider these points of perspective and growth?

  1. Have a chat with yourself, confirming that anger is an acceptable – necessary – phenomenon. And come to understand that anger isn’t inherently bad; however, it sure as heck merits intervention when it causes harm to self or others.
  2. Do the thorough and honest internal research required to determine if anger is, indeed, causing harm to you or others. Be sure to utilize the List of 22.
  3. If you’ve come to the conclusion your anger requires intervention, decide you’re going to do something about it – now. Don’t even bother with the assessment if you’re going to ignore a call to action.
  4. Over several days, make a list of things that tick you off. Do not do this in one “let’s get it over with” sitting.
  5. Examine each and every item on your tick-me-off list and reflect upon what it is that hits you so hard about it. Write down the results.
  6. Now examine your notes and see if there are common themes. I mean, what thread(s) seems to work its way through your anger experience and presentation?
  7. Now that you have a list of what fries your bacon, and what’s likely behind each, decide if you’re willing to do what it takes to somehow make peace. If the answer’s “No,” go on and be miserable. If it’s “Yes,” move on down this list.
  8. Go back to each item on your list and determine how you can let it go. That’s right, let…it…go. I didn’t say forget about it, mind you. No, whether it’s through meditation, therapy, reason – whatever – I said let it go. If you don’t think you can do that (when in fact you really can), challenge yourself to gain insight into why that is. What’s in it for you to hold-on to the material?
  9. As you work toward letting it go, fill the gaps with productive thoughts and activities (anger = energy). After all, you’re going to be clearing-out tons of room.
  10. Come to understand this isn’t an overnight process. In addition to time, it requires discipline, practice, creativity – and guts.
  11. Use the List of 22 as a progress measurement tool in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
  12. Look upon yourself with admiration – be proud of yourself – because you made it your business to examine not exactly your best side, and chose to do something about it. And it’s fostering a better life for you, as well as those you touch.

What think you?

Now, if you chose to read the article because you thought you were going to learn “anger management” techniques, like punching or screaming into a pillow, you’re probably disappointed. Yes?

Hey, don’t get me wrong, such techniques are great – and you can find a jillion of them online. However, why technique your life away when you have no insight into the foundation of your anger? And who knows? It’s quite possible you’ll bump into something at the very heart of your anger that, upon addressing, will quash the need for techniques altogether.

Look at it this way. Say you were experiencing chronic headaches and had yet to see a physician. Do you think my initial recommendation would be to scout pain relievers, or get in front of a doc?

How ‘Bout We Close?

We started our work last week, discovering 22 signs of hidden anger. And now we’ve moved-on to discovering the anger opportunity – and gut-level ways to embrace it, and grow.

Run ’em by me – stress, panic attack symptoms, major depressive disorder, G.I. probs, broken relationships, and more – anger can generate ’em all, as well as present as a result. Don’t you think it’s time to work a little smarter than traditional “anger management?”

Sure it is. Will you seize the opportunity?

Perhaps a bit of perspective and direction? Consider a Chipur consultation. Or maybe it’s time to dive-right-in to coaching/mentoring work.

Would you like to learn more about the mood and anxiety disorders, and what to do about them? Check-out hundreds of Chipur titles.

  • Beth Wilson

    Hmmm, I’m guessing a very high percentage of your readers are experiencing the struggle of whether to be rigorously honest with themselves right about now, Bill. Feel it or stuff it? Deal with it or turn away? The “it” of course, is anger. There’s a little yellow book published by the Alcoholics Anonymous General Service Office called Living Sober and in it there’s a section that describes the “shapes and colors” of anger. I always think of that when I’m around a deep discussion about anger that appears in so many different ways.

    Good stuff, as usual. I hope your gauntlet thrower finds some peace . . .

    • Well, you know it’s a toughie subject, Beth. Sure has been for me over the years. And given your area of expertise, I’m thinkin’ you follow suit (presumptuous of me, actually). Still, it really does take buckets of honesty – and flat-out hard work – to acknowledge and address the painfully (not so) obvious. Right? Hey, great tip on the “little yellow book.” And for sure, let’s meditate for the best for our thrower of the gauntlet. Oh, Chipur readers – check-out Beth’s good work at bheretoday.com

      Always appreciate your visits and shared wisdom, Beth. Hoping you’ll continue to stop-by…

      Bill

  • Great tips here on how to get to the bottom of your anger. I particularly like #4 and #5. I would think taking the time to write down what makes you angry would open some doors on what is keeping you “ticked off.” Getting to the root of the issue always helps me. I always learn so much from your suggestions, Bill!

    • Hey, thanks for coming-by and participating, Cathy. You’re always so good about that. Numbers 4 and 5 do tons for me, as well. Don’t know how one could manage an issue if they don’t know what that issue is. Not that it’s always that cut and dried (but way more often than not, it is). Glad you find Chipur a learning place. Tells me I’m writing the way I oughta’.

      Come on back, okay…

      Bill

  • As always – you NAILED it, Bill – this part summed it up for me: “…why technique your life away when you have no insight into the foundation of your anger? And who knows? It’s quite possible you’ll bump into something at the very heart of your anger that, upon addressing, will quash the need for techniques altogether.

    “Look at it this way. Say you were experiencing chronic headaches and had yet to see a physician. Do you think my initial recommendation would be to scout pain relievers, or get in front of a doc?”

    And it’s #8 that really makes a world of difference for me – very hard sometimes, but I try to think of it as snipping the kite string. My old way was to hash through something, think I’d settled it once and for all and “let it go,” but discovered I always held onto it with a string from whence I’d periodically roll it back in to rehash it, again. So the kite string analogy helped me recognize – I’ve dealt with it (with my therapist, trusted mentor or fellow professional) – no point in doing “that” again!

    Thanks for another insightful post, Mr. Bill :)

    • Wow, Lisa – you pulled tons from this piece. That makes me happy. Also makes me happy that you visit as frequently as you do and contribute. Kite string analogy is super. And offering a forum to share such things is what Chipur is all about. Whether or not they comment, someone is going to read that and put it into motion – and realize great benefit. (That makes me happy, too.)
      Appreciate your help here, Lisa…
      Bill