“Dammit, I’m So Frustrated!” (Ah, but open your eyes…)

“Dammit! Things just aren’t happening fast enough! Why aren’t I where I want to be – where I know I should be? Now! Been there a few times? Are you now?

I’m sitting here writing this post on an absolutely beautiful early spring evening. The deck door is open, a nice breeze is blowing in, and the crickets are playing a tune. I’ve been working my tushie off lately, managing some very long and bizarre hours. Frankly, I’m tired; and I want to hit the sack; nodding off to sleep in the midst of such an evening.

But I can’t! I’m committed to work an overnight shift on a psychiatric unit. Oh, and I’ll get maybe four hours of sleep after getting home in the morning, before cranking it up again for a twelve-hour E.R. shift. Damn!

Okay, got that off my chest.

About an hour ago I was walking into the kitchen ruminating over my “horrible circumstances;” and how terribly frustrated I am. I love chipur. As a new friend said about her work, “It’s my baby.” Of course, chipur is a relatively new venture and it’s going to take some time to get it where it needs to be; and while the nourishment and growth are taking place, I have to take some work assignments I’d rather not. But they’re a perfect fit in terms of the schedule I need to maintain to make chipur happen as it should.

But here’s something that occurred to me as I was basking in my self-pity. And I believe it’s worth sharing.

I am so very fortunate to be working in the field of my passion – even if it’s not exactly the kind of work I ultimately want to be doing.

But there’s more…

In spite of myself, I’m being exposed to, and learning, great quantities of very valuable information that can’t be learned in any other environment. I guess what I’m saying is, though I’ve been tired and frustrated; all sorts of excellent things have been happening in my mind and in my heart at the same time. It’s a huge bonus I all too often don’t think about – but it’s real. I mean, it’s kind of like hating to go to the gym, hating the workout even more; yet all the time becoming so much more physically strong. See, that part of the equation is so often forgotten, isn’t it?

Okay, so now I’m really going to go out on a limb. Now, I know what I’ve just shared has gone on in your life, if not right now. That said, think about this…

What if all of what’s going on – the timing and everything – was really meant to be? That’s right, what if we’re enduring all of the sacrifice, aggravation, and frustration – with such great angst – all the while being so terribly short-sighted. Yes, we’ve lost track of the fact that not only is it all necessary, it’s intended. Of course, that opens the “Who intended it?” can of worms. But that’s a topic for another discussion.

Nonetheless, given that last paragraph; our angst – in the grand scheme of things – is absolutely unnecessary.

So what do you think? Just some notes I wanted to share. Won’t you comment?