“I’m so tired of it all.”

Tired: sit with the word a moment. We all know what it’s like to feel it at the end of a long day. But many of us know the tired that comes from being emotionally, mentally, and physically drained – and directionless…

That draining, directionless tired – have you been there? Are you now?

So many times I’ve heard a client say with a deep sigh, “I’m so tired of it all.” And most often a visceral cry would pour forth when with great empathy I affirmed the feeling with, “You’ve been through so much. I can’t imagine how tired you must be.”

You know, I’ll bet most anyone enduring emotional or mental anguish would bust out with a cathartic cry if they slowly repeated “I’m so tired of it all.” in a quiet and solitary setting.

Nothing new here

In any form, being tired is nothing new. I mean, it’s how the mind and body work.

I assure you, in sharing these words from Jesus Christ I’m not proselytizing. Heck, consider them as pure literature. Just don’t let the soothing message get by you…

Come to me, all who are weak and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Is there better proof that being tired – drained and directionless – is nothing new? And are there more comforting and hopeful words?

I’ve turned to them and wept many tImes.

The ultimate tired

I’m going to share something intense and moving.

It pertains to suicide. If it’s a triggering subject for you, consider skipping this section or closing the piece.

A number of years ago I did a psych admission assessment with an intensive care unit patient. “Julia” was admitted the day before through the E.R. following a suicide attempt. She had been intubated and was knocking on death’s door.

Here’s part of the letter she left at the scene.

I just have one question. Why is life so hard? Why must we hurt so much? If I should leave this world today it wouldn’t be too fast or soon enough. I’m tired of all the pain I cause others, and all that is thrown my way. I’m just tired of trying to please others. My life has been nothing but heartache, sacrifice for others, and then getting slapped in the face. I won’t miss any of that crap and I’ll no longer have to ask anyone for anything. In other words I’ll want no more, I’ll hurt no more, I’ll cry no more! Doesn’t that sound like the vacation of a lifetime? Really though, I’m just fed up, tired and I just want relief. That’s all I’m asking for; the pain, hurt, suffering to stop; go away or end. Hell even a dog gets tired as well as anything or anyone. I’m stressed daily, yeah I’m a strong woman, yet still I’m human.

Julia used “tired” four times in that portion of her letter. Life had left her emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. Directionless? Other than the path that led to a suicide attempt, I’d say so.

One of the frustrating things about doing admission assessment work is it’s a onetime encounter. That means you don’t see outcomes very often. Such was the case with Julia.

“I’m human,” she wrote. No doubt about it. And I hope she found her way.

Are you tired?

Like our friend in the image above, did you find Julia’s words hard to read? Is it because they hit home, and that frightens you? She decided she has work to do. And you can make the same choice.

Think about it. If you’re emotionally, mentally, and physically drained – and directionless – do you really believe you’re out of options?

That’s where Julia was. And given her internal and external circumstances, it’s understandable. But the heartbreaking thing is she almost got what she wanted – at that particular moment. Then, of course, she’d truly be left with no options.

Consider this observation from Golden Gate Bridge jump survivor Ken Baldwin…

I just vaulted over, and I realized, at that moment, this is the stupidest thing I could have done. Everything could have changed.

So take it from Ken, it doesn’t have to come to that. And the key is not allowing ourselves to get to the point of desperation and crisis.

Sure, it calls for reaching out, hard work, and lots of time. But the alternative is everyone losing, including those we could have helped, if we don’t take care of business – and go down.

We can’t let that happen.

Take heart

Well, you’ve had a few moments to sit with tired. Powerful word, isn’t it?

Again, everybody knows the tired one feels when it’s time to hit the sack. But there’s a special group of us that intimately know the draining and directionless version.

If you’re a member, take heart. You have lots of company and every reason to believe you’ll pull through.

I did.

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal ideation or behaviors, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is but a call away. The number is 800-273-8255 (TALK). Tap the link for more contact options, including Lifeline Chat and lots of important information.

Would you like to read more Chipur mood and anxiety disorder info and inspiration articles? Well, feel free to peruse the titles.