New Year’s Resolutions (“Argh!”): 10 grins 4 ’11

It’s the day after Christmas, and we’re playing with our toys, lamenting inflated bellies, and hitting the stores with gift cards and returns. Ah, but in six days a new year makes the scene. Thinkin’ resolutions?

New Year’s Resolutions – man, I hate ’em. Now, that doesn’t make me a man without aspirations and goals. Far from it. But it’s just the formality, and their cliche nature, that make me want to hurl. Oh, and it’s how we traditionally beat ourselves to a pulp when we fail to keep resolutions we had no business declaring.

Are you looking for some New Year’s Resolution ideas? Okay, I’ll share a handful of mine.

But, first, according to; here are the most popular New Year’s Resolutions year after year after year…

  1. Drink less alcohol
  2. Get a better education
  3. Get a better job
  4. Get fit
  5. Lose weight
  6. Manage debt
  7. Manage stress
  8. Quit smoking
  9. Save money
  10. Take a trip
  11. Volunteer to help others

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Come on, wake up! So how many times have you heard those? Or should I ask, how many times have you symbolically kicked yourself in the tush for not pulling them off?

Okay, here are Bill White’s 10 Resolutions for 2011…

  1. Quit drinking milk from the jug.
  2. Quit eating ice cream from the container.
  3. Use more caution when shaving my earlobes (explaining the nicks is embarrassing).
  4. Limit the number of times I re-read a paragraph I just wrote to 50.
  5. Be patient enough to make a left turn onto a busy street, instead of turning right – and turning around a half-mile down the road; just to keep moving.
  6. Get everything I need for the week at the grocery store, instead of “just one or two things” per day (and quit buying food at CVS).
  7. Sleep with my head at the top of the bed, not the foot.
  8. Man up and watch the entire game, even if it looks like my team is gonna’ lose (and don’t hit mute when the announcers are being tough on my guys or gals).
  9. Come to understand a bed post isn’t a closet.
  10. Face the fact that everyone at the gathering doesn’t share my fascination with the world of psychobabble.

So what do you think? Did I lay myself open, or what?

Okay, okay – I suppose the intent of the New Year’s Resolution thing is honorable. But let’s not shoot ourselves in the foot by getting all complicated and serious.

If we insist on declaring New Year’s Resolutions, let’s do ourselves a few favors. Instead of boggling our minds with a long list of resolutions for the year (like I just did), how ’bout just one per quarter? We can work hard on it for three months, and go into maintenance mode when it’s time to take on the next one.

And let’s make our resolutions realistic, measurable, and things we’ve really pondered. No knee-jerk decisions because everyone else is doing it and January 1 is just around the corner.

And as long as we’re going to make a resolution, let’s respect it – and ourselves – by considering and recording our progress on a daily basis. More than that, let’s journal about the trials, tribulations, and successes. After all, we’ve chosen something of great personal meaning. Right?

Well, we’ve finished playing with our toys, accepted (for now) our overeating, and we’re back from the stores. Let’s take the time to ponder some resolutions for 2011.

Would you like to share a few? That’s what comments are for!