Questioning is such a natural for most anyone dealing with a mood or anxiety disorder. Well, of course. I mean, there’s just so much (not) to understand, and we want fixes. But of all of the questions posed, there’s one that can be the most troubling…
So, really, it becomes a catch-all declaration that attempts to convey all sorts of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
But I believe there’s a troubling question that warrants our attention. And I think we ask it many times during any given day, often beneath conscious awareness…
“Why me?”
What Is It About “Why Me?”
Now, “Why me?” is a perfectly legitimate question to calmly ask when we’re trying to figure out how we acquired the cause of our suffering. Who wouldn’t want to know if it’s about genetics, environment, lifestyle, etc.?
But in our neck of the woods, “Why me?” is often expressed in a different posture and inflection. So, really, it becomes a catch-all declaration that attempts to convey all sorts of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
Speaking of questions, you know I have to ask this. Where are you with “Why me?” Is it part of your current repertoire? Maybe in the past? If it’s a factor in your life I want you to think about the reason(s) you use it. Or maybe you’re not even aware you do, or how often.
Still, what does “Why me?” accomplish for you? Hey, I understand those moments of flash-point frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, despair, etc. And in the midst of those times anything can run through our minds or come flying out of our mouths.
But has “Why me?” become an ongoing issue? And if so, what do you think’s behind it? I mean, there has to be some sort of gratification if a behavior settles into a pattern.
Hmmm, maybe the bigger question: Is falling into the “Why me?” rut harmful? (I have to go with the “Aye’s” on that one.)
Think about it. If we’re consistently stuck on “Why me?” doesn’t it become a severe impediment to our recovery? How can we focus on strategies and techniques to move forward and grow if we remain planted in the supposed unreasonableness and unfairness of our circumstances?
We can’t.
The Acceptance Angle
In addressing “Why me?”, it really all comes down to acceptance. Surely the declaration would much more likely hit the highway if we accepted (not acquiesced to) that from which we suffer – and the suffering itself.
Absorb this acceptance tidbit from an article I posted some time ago entitled Acceptance: The Missing Piece to the Healing Puzzle…
It’s natural to fight for the fix when we encounter a problem. And in the external world, it’s the only way to go. But when we try to force the fix for what we experience internally, we’ll fall flat on our faces – time and time again.
Trying to rid ourselves of pain only amplifies it, gets us more gummed-up, and generates trauma.
Buying-in to that morsel of truth will go a long way toward removing “Why me?” from our minds and mouths.
And then there’s suffering. I featured this gem from Viktor Frankl in What Is the Meaning of Life? I’m Living with Depression and Anxiety!
In accepting this challenge to suffer bravely, life has a meaning up to the last moment, and it retains this meaning literally to the end. In other words, life’s meaning is an unconditional one, for it even includes the potential meaning of unavoidable suffering.
Right between the eyes.
That’s All, Folks
In closing, I want you to give something a go. The next time you’re about to declare “Why me?”, add one little three-letter word…
“Why not me?”
I do it when necessary and it brings a ton of perspective. After all, am I so special that nothing unfortunate should befall me?
Isn’t it the same for you?
(BTW, plenty more where this piece came from. Check-out the hundreds of Chipur titles.)
