“Okay, I’m convinced! I have a problem with self-sabotage, and it’s fueling my mood and anxiety woes. How do I stop shooting myself in the foot?”
You just took the two most important first steps: acknowledging and owning your stuff, and asking for help.
I’m excited for you, because your hope factor just spiked. So, let’s see what we can do to get you “well” on your healing way.
Self-Sabotage: 12 “Are You the Perps?”
I opened this can of “whip-butt” Saturday when I posted Self-Sabotage: 12 “Are You the Perps?” It was there I proposed that though genetics, anatomy, and physiology have much to do with the generation and sustenance of the mood and anxiety disorders, psychological contributors loom larger.
And the influence and impact of self-sabotage/self-creation is tremendous.
You really need to read the article. I presented 12 red flags (“Are You the Perps?”) to help you spot your personal involvement in the generation of your mood and anxiety misery. So if you’re really serious about turning your life around, get after it. (‘Nuff said.)
No More Foot Shooting!
I mentioned in the intro that the two most powerful recovery first steps are acknowledging and owning a problem, and asking for help.
‘Course, one needs evidence – proof – of an existing issue to do that. And that’s what I provided Saturday.
In your work, I can’t overemphasize the importance of the concept of “giving something up.” It brings together all the pieces of the puzzle – acknowledgement, ownership, asking for help, willingness to learn, and – perhaps most important of all – will.
And it’s will – volition – that provides the inspiration and motivation to get the job done.
Thought Restructuring & Pattern Busting
When you examine the 12 “Are You the Perps” in Saturday’s piece, you’ll find two major themes – thoughts and patterns. To bring home the point, here are a handful of examples…
- As you look back upon your life, you find a pattern of the same issues with which you’re dealing now.
- You frequently use the words/concepts “always,” “every,” “never,” “there’s no alternative,” “should,” “must.”
- Positives most always fall by the wayside. But negatives and the upsetting? Primo thought material!
- You know just how lousy things will turn out loooong before they occur.
- You’re sure you know how others are thinking, and their intentions.
- You assign responsibility to yourself for situations, events, and people over which you have no control.
Can you sense the potential for all-out destruction? But just like the silly mistakes my alma mater made on the football field this weekend, every one of them is fixable.
Thought Distortion & Restructuring
I mention it time and again here on chipur. Within the realm of thought, those enduring mood and anxiety disorders churn-out distortions. They’re nasty, automatic, and void of reason, evidence, and proof.
The fix? Understanding and embracing the power of thought restructuring. This is simply about refuting and reversing. Paramount are confronting, challenging, substituting, reframing, and experimenting.
Now, it’s one thing to throw aside negative thoughts. Busting an accumulation of them – a pattern – is something else entirely.
This is crucial work, which requires personal research and insight. It’s where you’ll come to know the all important hows and whys of your patterns of negative feelings, thoughts, and behaviors (NFTBs). And you may just find some pervasive stuff fueling your self-sabotage work. Examples?
- Punishing/destroying others
- Attention Seeking
News flash! Here, it’s about gratification – “What am I getting out of it?” What an important dynamic to understand – and lead you to, and through, recovery.
Can you see how quickly feelin’ better will become reality when you connect these dots (my favorite concept of all)?
That’ll Do It
You know, maybe coming to know self-sabotage is the #1 contributor to your mood and/or anxiety circumstances isn’t the greatest news here.
No, I’m thinking top billing goes to understanding it’s something you can resolve.
Imagine saying good-bye to that which has tormented you for years. Prove to me that understanding and remedying self-sabotage can’t get the job done.
By the way, here are a couple of chipur articles you’ll find helpful…
I’d like to share more chipur Feelin’ Better articles with you. Please click here.