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The TRUTH About the TRUTH: We Can RUN but We Can’t HIDE

Why Am I Feeling Anxious

Funny thing about the truth – it never goes away. We can run and hide, lulling ourselves into a false sense of security. But the truth lives-on, often proving just that in the generation and exacerbation of our anxiety and depression symptoms. So, yeah, the truth about the truth. Don’t be fooled…

Well, that got me to thinking. Is it possible that the bulk of the anxiety and depression I was experiencing was as a result of this apparent internal conflict grounded in the truth – about me?

Posted the following on the Chipur Facebook page this past Saturday…

Wondering if you’ve been there. Not often a good place, but a necessary one. Wrote this as I was trying to figure things out a while back…

The “this” I was referencing was a poem I’d written many moons ago, “The Hardest Thing.” It details my journey, as with “the running gone” and in “a quiet place” I chanced a “deep and honest view” of self. I’ve included it at the end here.

I’ve thought quite a bit about that post and poem over the past three days. Heck, so much so that here I am writing about it.

But it’s all so very important, and here’s why…

I’m guessing I wrote that piece, oh, 30 years ago, at age 32. It wasn’t long after I’d stopped drinking, and was still getting smacked from all angles by darned near every variation of anxiety one could come up with. And, of course, my mood wasn’t exactly hitting new heights.

So you’d better believe I was taking a full and lengthy personal inventory, because I wanted out of the woods so very badly – and just didn’t know what else to do.

The Best Question of All

Why am I depressedAnd then it dawned on me, “Who are you – really – Bill White? And do you like him?” In other words, what is the truth about me and can I peacefully live with what I come up with?

Well, that got me to thinking. Is it possible that the bulk of the anxiety and depression I was experiencing was as a result of this apparent internal conflict grounded in the truth – about me?

And as I leaned more and more that way, I came to know I didn’t much like me, wouldn’t be able to live peacefully with me, and really needed to make some serious changes – quickly.

Now, all these years later, I’ve come to believe our anxiety and mood issues are a portion genetics, wiring, and temperament – those nature things we can’t do much about.

However, there’s the environmental part of the equation – nurture. And it includes the internal, as well as external.

So is it possible a significant percentage of our anxious and depressive symptoms are grounded in the internal, to include conflicts involving the truth about self?

Of course.

“The Hardest Thing”

No better time for the poem…

The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing I had to do
Was chance a deep and honest view
The running gone
A quiet place
The me I never want to face

I want to scream
And fight you
I want to seize warmth and turn it cold
Making you sorry you crossed my path

I’ll beg you to shun me
And leave me alone
I’ll run so far away
So fast
You’ll never find me

But I want to cry
I want to share and be held
Be touched

The misery
The contradict
Of me

The hardest thing I had to do
Was holding out for what is true

To know myself
The wayward man
The soul
I try to understand

Let’s Close

So the truth. Yes, it never goes away. No use running and hiding. Don’t even bother.

Instead, ask yourself that best question of all: “Who Am I?” Continue on with determining the like-factor and whether or not you can live peacefully with you as you are. And based upon discovered truth, boldly make the necessary changes.

What are you waiting for? Get after it, okay?

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