Trying to be someone you’re not? Maybe you need a time-out.

i’m stressed out

What greater waste of the gift of life than living as someone else? It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Oh, it’ll eventually work, I suppose. But, man, the rippin’ and tearin’. Are you trying to be someone you’re not? Well, maybe you need a time-out…

She ignores who she truly is and continues to live her life as ‘everyone else,’ perpetuating her feelings of low self-regard and misery.

There’s no escaping it. The elephant won’t even fit in the room anymore. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s impossible. No matter how you want to set it up…

It can really suck being alive these days.

You name it: the pandemic, social unrest and violence, nasty politics, and just plain ‘ole going for the throat meanness…

It’s the spirit of the times – the zeitgeist. And it’s so disappointing.

Fact is, it’s enough to push anyone over the edge. But my heart goes out to those wrestling with mood and anxiety disorders. I can tell you from being in the trenches that many are asking themselves if life as they currently know it is worth living.

And let me tell you something. There aren’t but three responding options…

  1. Moving forward with life, being yourself and making the necessary adjustments.
  2. Continuing to at least “live,” but detaching from the world.
  3. Ending it all.

Obviously I have no problem with being direct. And you’re kidding yourself if you don’t believe that kind of decision-making is taking place right now in millions of souls and minds.

Well, I believe #1 is the best choice. So here’s something that may encourage its selection.

Are you trying to be someone you’re not?

coping with coronavirus

“Why can’t I suck it up and do this with no stress and worry like everyone else?”

I’ve learned over the decades that the best first-step in solving any mood or anxiety problem is gathering insight.

Come on, there’s just no way anything is going to get handled if we don’t have a firm understanding of what’s truly going-on – and why. And this is custom-work based upon how our mind is wired. Yes, how we receive, interpret, and react to stimuli.

Given all the madness of the times, it’s not surprising that someone struggling with a mood or anxiety disorder would whip themselves into a huge state of frenzy. And, of course, that’s what may lead to numbers 2 and 3 on our short list.

A huge contributor to that state of frenzy is what our friend just above is experiencing. I mean, there she is with her mask on and a fretful look upon her face. And she’s saying, “”Why can’t I suck it up and do this with no stress and worry like everyone else?”

Sure, she’s upset by her turbulent world. But I say a significant portion of her upset is about her incorrect belief that “everyone else” is waltzing through this and she’s horribly deficient because she isn’t able to.

And what does she end up doing? She ignores who she truly is and continues to live her life as “everyone else,” perpetuating her feelings of low self-regard and misery.

This is when insight needs to come into play. However, grabbing it requires a time-out.

Taking that time-out

It’s right now that our friend needs to look at our featured image and do exactly as the ref is signaling. Time-out!

As she chills for as long as it takes, she needs to begin gathering insight. I’d recommend first coming to grips with the reality of how her mind is wired. Indeed, she has to come to understand how she receives, interprets, and reacts to stimuli. In this case, highly stressful stimuli.

She’s been around herself long enough. With a little thought, the truth will be revealed.

For instance, maybe she’d realize that we all have stress tolerances – I call them “beakers” – of different sizes. So she can no longer compare herself to “everyone else” because it isn’t apples-to-apples. I mean, would it really be fair to self-criticize, knowing her beaker may be half the size of most of the people she’s comparing herself to?

No way.

One of her goals could be learning that she can transition from self-bashing statements to something like, “Uh-oh, my beaker’s getting full. Looks like I need to pour a little out and monitor what’s coming in for a while.”

I do that several times a day, by the way. You?

Finally, throughout her search for insight she can’t turn her back on acceptance. She is who and what she is. I mean, there comes a time when experiencing life transcends fixing, and becomes grounded in managing and living. She’d be amazed how much pressure that removes.

We all would.

Moving forward as yourself

The gift of life is an extraordinary blessing. So why would we want to waste it by living as someone else? I mean, why settle for constantly rippin’ and tearin’ so square pegs can be forced into round holes?

Let’s just do the best we can with what we have as we cope with these maddening times. May lead to a lot of time-outs, but that’s okay…

We’ll be all the better for it.

Considering what we just reviewed, two Chipur articles become must-reads: Your Beaker, My Beaker: Why It’s Crucial to Understand They’re Different and Acceptance: The Missing Piece to the Healing Puzzle

Hey, if you’re looking for some calm and reflective reading, I think my eBook Feelings & Rhymes Through Treacherous Times will serve you well.

And if you’re looking for more reading still, check-out hundreds upon hundreds of Chipur titles.